Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
