we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
