just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
