He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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