tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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