I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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