I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
