Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
