do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
