At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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