ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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