420 ftw
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
