Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
