i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
