just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
