and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
