while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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