I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
