please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
