she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
