i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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