and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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