I wanna bring you to show and tell
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
