he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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