i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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