They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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