So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
