she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
