you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
