Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
