Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
