Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
