So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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