just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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