why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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