around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
