I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
