He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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