I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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