She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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