Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
