Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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