Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
