Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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