I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
