Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
