i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
