I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
