After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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