Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
