College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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