The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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