M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
