4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
