i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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