i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
