my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize