Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize