Cold hands, warm shart.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
