I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
