I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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