i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize