It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
