Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
