my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
