Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
MIDGETS
????
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
