Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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