i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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