Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
