marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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