You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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