Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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